Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
