you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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