its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
