Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
