he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
