Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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