We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
