i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
