she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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