You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
