If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my poor anus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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