I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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