Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
