Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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