He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
