Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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