I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
