Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
