i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
