needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
