How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
