Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
