that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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