You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
