Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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