we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
