the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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