My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
