I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
