I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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