We named our party play list daddy issues
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
