Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
