Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
try to milk me bitch
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