i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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