it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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