My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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