Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
high people should be assigned attendants
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
