Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
