Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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