i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
