theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
