The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
