She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
