I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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