My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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