I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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