fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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