just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
