im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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