And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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