Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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