Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
