I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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